Well, Jack's MRI has come and gone.
**Sigh.
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He handled being food deprived due to the anesthesia prep like such a champ.
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His IV was okay, and he took to the sedative well.
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He came out of it without any complications.
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He's home.
Big sigh.
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I can breathe (even if it is as I sleep on Jack's floor).
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I don't know why I would be at all surprised that he handled the whole thing perfectly.
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Of course he would.
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He's Jack.
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After 4 hours in Radiology, my heart was feeling mended and recovered from watching Jack endure an IV and watching him slip into a deep sleep while I held him in my arms. Seeing his tiny body inside that big scary machine is not something I'd like to catalog in my brain permanently.
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Next, we ventured to neurosurgery at Primary Children's to meet with the neurosurgeon, Dr. Kestle.
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Here it was confirmed.
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Jack's spinal cord is tethered (attached) at the base of his spine. Because of this, they will operate to fix it in order to prevent Jack from losing function in his legs/feet and his bowel/bladder as he gets older.
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They will do surgery on October 6th and he will be at Primary Children's for 3 days following.
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How am I doing?
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Surprisingly well.
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No more unknowns.
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No more filling-in-the-blanks-with-my-greatest-fears.
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And all I can think is thank goodness for a remarkable pediatrician who not only found this in Jack, but who also prepared me for today's appointment. I was not surprised by anything I learned today, and I feel like I had already mourned the situation when it was initially brought to our attention. Of course I still felt like I got kicked in the stomach when it became official, and I would prefer no surgery, but this is what is best for Jack.
****I know that now.
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I can deal.
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It's amazing what I learned today in my 6 hour visit to Primary Children's. I entered and left feeling so selfish for not giving more to people in need.
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There are a lot of people in need.
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I cannot believe how many children are in need of serious care.
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I feel so determined to offer more.
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I feel so lucky that Jack's complications can be fixed. So many people are dealing with lifelong battles with grim outlooks. Thank goodness for great news that Jack will be better.
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I am still so incredibly scared, and so incredibly awkward with all of these intense emotions I feel as Jack's mom.
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But, I saw and felt today that I am not alone.
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And neither is my Jack.
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Not only was the support of so many friends and family apparent all day, I saw a countless number of parents experiencing my same fears.
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I know that Jack made it through so well today because of all of the prayers and good thoughts sent his way.
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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I know that I made it through today with peace of mind and a mended heart because of all of your thoughts on our behalf.
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Tonight I feel hope.
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Tonight I feel gratitude.
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Tonight I feel so incredibly thankful to be a mom to such a sweet baby boy.
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Tonight I feel loved.
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Tonight I feel tired.
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Tonight I feel like although it's going to be tough, we can do this.
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Of course, I should have always known he can do this.
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He's Jack.
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It's like he was made to be extraordinary.
Jack rekindling his love of his old friend, the Binky.
Amazing what a little trauma and some sugar water can do.
Just after getting his IV and a wrapped up paw.
Broken heart? Yes. 
This was Jack as he was coming out of the anesthesia. He got super goofy and was smiling and laughing in his sleep.
This is Jack tonight.
Still pooped. Poor little buddy.
We both grew up a lot today.
We'll be taking looooong naps tomorrow.
8 comments:
Oh my gosh Sarah, those photos melt my heart. So sweet. You are such a good mother. I am sorry you have to worry about this with your new little baby...but pretty soon it will all be over and in the past. I'm positive things will go well with the surgery. Jack won't feel or remember a thing -- Hang in there
Jack is going to be in the care of the most qualified doctors in the country and then come home to the most amazing mother in the world. I just love that little boy so much, he truly melts my heart! You know you have me every step of the way pal.
I'm so glad they found this out so early and so quickly. i'm sure it's such a hard thing to go through but you're doing a great job.
I LOVE DR. KESTLE! He is the best of the best! We have seen him with Lily because she has some fluid around and in her brain. Everything is fine but Dr. Kestle rocks. He explains things so well and has great bedside manner. I'm glad that we have technology to find these things out before they cause a lot of problems down the road. Jack is a super star...what a champion!
Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry you guys have to go through this. I can't even imagine watching my baby going under anesthesia and not being able to help. I know Jack will do great with the surgery. Keep us updated with everything. Love ya.
Oh my gosh, that picture of him smiling? Hands down the cutest thing that I have seen today! How lucky to live so close to the best children's hospital in the world. I will continue to keep you guys in my prayers!
so... i kinda cried. It is strange what having a kid will do to you. You instantly love others kids a lot more and you also feel like you have a special bond with all those mothers out there. I am sorry about your struggles with your little guy. I am confident he will be great. He is lucky to have such an amazing mom and dad. Good luck you two.
I am so sorry to hear that he has to get the surgery. But, I am so happy that your Dr. spotted it so early. Poor little Jack!! He is so lucky to have a mom who loves him so much that she will sleep on his floor so he isn't all alone. Good luck Shaw!!
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